sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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