You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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