I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
