You just made me feel so damn special
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
