She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
