i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
