she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
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Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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