just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
