Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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