She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
