please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
