There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
