Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
