I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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