He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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