Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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