I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
