so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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