Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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