sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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