YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize