drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
