I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
