At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
