So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
