I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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