remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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