So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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