you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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