uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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