we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Randomize
