6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize