I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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