Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
