You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
