I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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