Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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