the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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