hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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