I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
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This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
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you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
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