everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
