Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
We need a shit load of segways right now
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
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