Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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