i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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