Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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