I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
