I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
