worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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