you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
