I think i peed on brittanys purse
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
