I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
