Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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