im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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