Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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