Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
