I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You are the jesus of drinking
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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