He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
