Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
only if we run a train.
done.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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