Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
