Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
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If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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