someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
