Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
