She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you will always have a special place in my vag
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just want nice things and good sex
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
