i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.