this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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