he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.