i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
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She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box