Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
