mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.