Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes