I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I supernannyed him into submission
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
