i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
