R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
