What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
