Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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