There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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