I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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