I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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