Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Is it because I queefed?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
