Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
