I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
My liver just broke up with me...
North Korea, Best Korea!
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
