Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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