Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
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