i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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