The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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